


Found family but they commit crimes together

by Nightlist



Series: Cobblepot House of Chaos [1]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Everyone Is Gay, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jerome Valeska Has ADHD, Jerome Valeska Is A Good Bro, Jerome Valeska Lives, Jerome Valeska has ASPD, Jerome Valeska is Bad at Flirting, Jerome Valeska is NOT Joker, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sex Jokes, Soft Jerome Valeska, Texting, and i will fight anyone who says any different, cus its gotham and thats just how we roll, oswald can’t stop adopting children, that should be a tag, theyre teenagers cmon, will undoubtedly get angstier over time, wow we have psycopathy and sociopathy tags but not aspd ones smh ao3 smh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25866910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightlist/pseuds/Nightlist
Relationships: Jerome Valeska & Silver St Cloud, Jonathan Crane/Jerome Valeska, Oswald Cobblepot & Jerome Valeska, Oswald Cobblepot & Jonathan Crane, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: Cobblepot House of Chaos [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877005
Comments: 23
Kudos: 29





	1. um

Jerome created a chat

Jerome added 3 people to the chat

Jerome named the chat  Found Family Murder

Oswald: why is there a chat now

Jerome: why not?

Oswald: unfortunately i can’t really argue with that

Edward: wow

Edward: that’s saying something

Oswald: you shut your fuck

Jerome: ah, love


	2. waffles and pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Name guide:  
> Jerome - hellchild  
> Oswald - Angertm  
> Ed - rIDDLES  
> 

Jerome: okay these names suck ass gimme a sec

Jerome changed 4 names

hellchild: much better

Angertm: how lovely

rIDDLES: well it’s accurate at least

hellchild: excuse u

hellchild: i am always accurate

rIDDLES: yesterday you called fingers ‘influence flesh nubs’

hellchild: am i wrong?

rIDDLES:

rIDDLES: damn you

hellchild: uno reverse card  💕


	3. oswald you’re killing your husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Name guide:  
> Jerome - hellchild  
> Oswald - Angertm  
> Ed - rIDDLES

Angertm: what would you say if i came home with a new child?

rIDDLES: oswald

hellchild: oo new sibling

rIDDLES: oswald what did you do

hellchild: so am i getting a brother or sister?

Angertm: i think you know edward 

rIDDLES: ffs

rIDDLES: again

hellchild: or are they nb?

Angertm: sister

hellchild: sweet

rIDDLES: DONT ENCOURAGE HIM

hellchild: oh lemme think about tha- no

rIDDLES: this family is a nightmare

hellchild:  😌 yes


	4. deutsch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Name guide:  
> Jerome- hellchild  
> Oswald - Angertm  
> Ed - rIDDLES  
> Silver - girlinsilver  
> Martin - thebaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations at the end  
> im sorry i missed the upload last week ;-;

_ Angertm added 1 person to the chat _

hellchild: willkommen!

Angertm: you speak german?

hellchild: a little

Silver: oh hallo!

Silver: wie gehts?

Angertm: you speak german too?

hellchild: nicht schlecht, nicht schlecht

hellchild: und du?

Silver: güt

Angertm: what the fuck is going on 

hellchild: oh warten ein sekunde

hellchild: @thebaby WE HAVE A SISTER NOW!

thebaby: oh

thebaby: hello

Silver: hi

hellchild: hmmm

hellchild: you need a nickname

Silver: lay it on me

hellchild: i don’t know enough about you tho

Silver: uhh

Silver: i’m gay?

hellchild: perfect

_ hellchild changed 1 name _

girlinsilver: oh nice

hellchild: solidarity!

rIDDLES: oswald what have you done

Angertm: something i’m sure i’ll regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> willkommen: welcome  
> hallo: hello  
> wie gehts: how are you  
> nicht schlecht: not bad  
> und du: and you  
> güt: good  
> warten ein sekunde: wait a second


	5. realizations are had by many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Name guide:  
> Jerome- hellchild  
> Oswald - Angertm  
> Ed - rIDDLES  
> Silver - girlinsilver  
> 

hellchild: @Angertm what the fuck dude

girlinsilver: @Angertm what the fuck

hellchild: jinx

hellchild: dad i could’ve used a warning

Angertm: what for

hellchild: do u

hellchild: not kno

Angertm: no??

hellchild: galavan was behind the maniax 

girlinsilver: i also would like to know about whether or not the rest of this family has an extensive criminal background 

hellchild: it is a NOWground thankuverymuch

Angertm: wait he was

hellchild: if you didn’t know why did you kill him

girlinsilver: YPU KILLED MY UNCLE

girlinsilver: like yea he sucked

girlinsilver: BUT STILL

Angertm: he kidnapped and murdered my mother

girlinsilver: u kno what that’s fair

hellchild: i’m gonna refrain from commenting 

Angertm: good idea

Angertm: pancakes in the morning

rIDDLES: it’s afternoon?

Angertm: did i fucking stutter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and more olan rogers becus i can


	6. i diagnose you with big gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Name guide:  
> Jerome - hellchild  
> Oswald - Angertm  
> Ed - rIDDLES  
> Silver - girlinsilver

hellchild: ughhh

hellchild: i am fEELING

hellchild: an EMOTION

girlinsilver: congrats i’m sorry?

girlinsilver: there was supposed to be a / in there but you know what that works too

Angertm: wow what’s the occasion 

hellchild: hhhh

hellchild: gay

Angertm: oh my fuck

Angertm: just ask him out already

hellchild: noooooo

Angertm: im 99% sure he likes you back

hellchild: no he doesn’t 

Angertm: yes he does

hellchild: noooo i cant

Angertm: if i pay you will you do it

hellchild:,,,

hellchild: im listening

Angertm: ten bucks

hellchild: deal

Angertm: wait really

hellchild: cash upfront

Angertm: alright then

girlinsilver: what the fuck is this family


	7. the bois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they finally talked y’all we made it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hadnt updated for so long cus of school and lack of motivation meaning i didnt write anything only to check and find out THIS HAS BEEN HERE AS A DRAFT THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME AAAAAAAAAA (╬ಠ益ಠ)

_ pm: gay ass-> tol but smol  _

gay ass: yo

gay ass: i gotta tell you something

tol but smol: well that’s convenient

tol but smol: i had something i wanted to talk to you about too

gay ass: oh neat

gay ass: you first

tol but smol: uh okay

tol but smol: i have feelings for you

gay ass: oh

tol but smol: like

tol but smol: romantic ones

gay ass: you

gay ass: you bitch

tol but smol: ??

gay ass: I WANTED TO TELL YOU FIRST

tol but smol: wait what

gay ass: IT WAS GONNA BE ROMANTIC

gay ass: I EVEN GOT CANDLES

tol but smol: oh

tol but smol: Oh

gay ass: YOU MOTHERFUCKER

tol but smol: there’s one thing i’m interested in fucking and as far as i know he’s not a mother

gay ass: oh

gay ass: HAHA WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT I NEED TO GO RIGHT NOW GOODBYE

_ hellchild added 1 person to the chat _

Jon: i said it first

hellchild: you’re not getting those ten bucks back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone who thinks jerome can flirt is wrong


	8. waffles and pancakes the sequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> have a double upload as an apology for not uploading for so long ;-;

hellchild: @Angertm @rIDDLES what would you say if i came home with a cat

rIDDLES: at this point i’m used to it

Angertm: why do you have a cat

hellchild: i found her in an alley

hellchild: i wasn’t gonna just leave her

Angertm: hm

hellchild: please? ill take care of all her stuff

Angertm: gah

Angertm: fine

hellchild: !!!!!!!

hellchild: yay!!

hellchild: thanks dad

hellchild: @Jon what should we name her

Jon: lady rufflepuss

hellchild: you actually read it?

Jon: yeah? i said i would

hellchild: most of the time if someone tells me theyre gonna do something theyre lying

girlinsilver: are you okay

hellchild: thank you so much for asking!

hellchild: no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also go read waffles and pancakes on webtoon it is hilarious


	9. hes had a  severe, continual lapse in judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes the title is referencing what you think it is :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i remembered to post!! yay me!!

hellchild: you need a nickname

hellchild: this is a nickname necessary space

Jon: okay

hellchild: >:((

Jon: what?

hellchild: what nickname do you want 

Angertm: hey how come he gets to choose 

hellchild: because he sucks my dick

Angertm: ANSOANAMAMKSJW

Angertm: JEROME

hellchild: >:)

Jon: we’ve kissed like twice and that’s really it

hellchild: let me live up to my name!!

Jon: aren’t your you get siblings in this chat?

hellchild: ajsdkadkadjhkjak  


hellchild: FCUK

_ hellchild deleted a message _

hellchild: YOU

hellchild: SAW

hellchild: NOTHING

girlinsilver: i already have screenshots 

hellchild: nO

hellchild: SILVER

girlinsilver: :)

hellchild: jonny back me up here

Jon: nah

hellchild: JONNNN

hellchild: what if i suck your dick?

Jon: you’re still in the same chat

Angertm: jerome. 

hellchild: HHHHH WAIT FUCK

Angertm: jerome you’re just digging your own grave here

hellchild: :((

Jon: suffer

hellchild: you are a horrible boyfriend

Jon: no i’m not

hellchild: dammit

girlinsilver: whipped

hellchild: ur all so mean to me

Jon: yep!

hellchild: wow rude

Jon: what did you expect

hellchild: fine

_ hellchild changed one nickname _

rude man: oh please

rude man: you love me

hellchild: :(((

rude man: you know i’m right

hellchild: i do :(

rude man: do you want a hug

hellchild: yes

rude man: then come over here you dumbass

hellchild: ok

Angertm: what the fuck did i just witness

girlinsilver: something vaguely cursed

girlinsilver: but also kind of cute

Angertm: don’t encourage him

girlinsilver: hmmmm

Angertm: silver i stg

girlinsilver: maybe

Angertm: you know what

Angertm: i’ll take it


	10. new phone who dis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uwu

hellchild: i have had an IDEA

rude man: oh god

Angertm: oh no

girlinsilver: please no

hellchild:

hellchild: let me live damn

hellchild: it doesn’t even involve breaking the law  _silver_

rude man: that surprises me

hellchild: i’m the gift that keeps on giving  ❤️

_ hellchild added one person _

hellchild: hey there number neighbor :)

unknown: what

hellchild: number neighbor 

unknown:

unknown: no

_ unknown has left the chat _


	11. here comes the ANGST BABY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jerome and i going thru it

hellchild: D: 

rude man: huh

hellchild: hey!

_ hellchild has added one person to the chat _

hellchild: don’t leave!!!

unknown: you have tried to kill me so many times i’m leaving 

_ unknown has left the chat _

hellchild: >:(

_ hellchild has added one person to the chat _

hellchild: if one of those times was during the maniax thing i was under the threat of death pleas stop leaving :(

unknown: what

hellchild: oh yeah apparently people don’t know

hellchild: theo galavan broke me and the others out of arkham and told us we had to do what he said or he would kill us all

hellchild: actually did kill one of the others too

unknown:

unknown: oh 

hellchild: yerp 

unknown: well what about the carnival

hellchild: i was not at the best place

hellchild: you know my shitty abusive ex had stabbed me in the neck and then i wake up to find i apparently have a cult now but one of em cut my face off and wore it over his own 

hellchild: do you know what happens to cult leaders when they disappoint their crazy accidental cult?

hellchild: cus i don’t wanna find out

unknown: mm

unknown: you seemed to be enjoying yourself at the time

hellchild: i mean it was fun yeah

hellchild: but not what i had planned lmao

unknown: wait when you say your shitty ex

hellchild: yeah. it wasn’t a fun time.

unknown: fucking hell

hellchild: i mean that’s also an accurate description ig 

unknown: no i mean like

unknown: fucking hell thats messed up

hellchild: oh!

hellchild: yah that too 

rude man: what the fuck

hellchild: yep

rude man: you are concerningly calm about this 

hellchild: really?

unknown: yeah

hellchild: oh

hellchild: guess i’m just used to it

rude man:

rude man: what

hellchild: my parents weren't the only shitty people at the circus

hellchild: and its not like anyone at arkham actually gave a shit

rude man: excuse you

hellchild: okay no one else at arkham gave a shit

unknown: wait

unknown: @rude man youre jonathan crane right?

rude man: yes? why

unknown: why the fuck were you in arkham

rude man: because its supposed to be a mental health facility and the gcpd didnt care?

unknown: but you were like 16??

rude man: yep. they didnt care.

unknown: hm

unknown: i need to go have words with someone

hellchild: have fun!

girlinsilver: jerome

hellchild: ye?

girlinsilver: do you need a hug?

hellchild: that would actually be awesoem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks at gordon* oh you are about to get torn a new one


	12. this was an actual thought i had and i did tell my friends about it they were very concerned

hellchild: i saw this video of someone slicing like that wierd callousy skin on their heel

hellchild: and now im thinking

hellchild: since that skin is rough and kinda hard

hellchild: if you did that too enough people and got enough skin

hellchild: could you make sandpaper out of foot skin?

_ several people are typing _


	13. the lady is the cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a short update but i got some longer chapters in the works!! huzzah

girlinsilver: theladysnuggling.png  
girlinsilver: im lov her  
hellchild: she rlly likes head scritches  
girlinsilver: oo  
girlinsilver: !!!!!!!!  
girlinsilver: shes purring!!!  
hellchild: told ya :)  
girlinsilver: 🥺🥺


End file.
